Every Falling Tear

 Afraid to love. Something that could break. Could I move on if you were torn away? 

And I'm so close to what I can't control. I can't give you half my heart and pray He makes you whole.

You're gonna have all of me. You're gonna have all of me.

'Cause you're worth every falling tear. You're worth facing any fear.

You're gonna know all my love. Even if it's not enough. Enough to mend you're broken heart. 
But giving you all of me is where I'll start.

I won't let sadness steal you from my arms. I won't let pain keep you from my heart.

I'll trade the fear of all that I could loose. For every moment I share with you.

You're worth all of me. You're worth all of me. So let me recklessly love you, even if I bleed. 

You're worth all of me. You're worth all of me.

Eventually I will be able to write about it but for now these words penned by artist Matt Hammitt express so well what I cannot.

Stay strong,
näna

(photo credit: Susan Schmidt Photography)

Addison Grant

Last week this was our view of baby Henry.

photo by Susan Schmidt Photography

But this week it's a little different.

We asked you a few weeks ago to guess when this little boy would be born, what his name would be, what he (or she) would be and who he would grow up to be. Your guesses were so much fun to read. Before we announce who won I want to share a few of our favorites.

Favorite names (and closest to what we would actually use), entered by Lisa. Her names: Jackson and Genevieve

The answer to "What will Henry be when he grow up?" were by far the most fun. A few that had us laughing out loud or were just so well thought through:

Terri R - She will be a queen -silly people that is what all princesses grow up to be.
Joanna B - A heart surgeon
Elizabeth Rose - An Italian coffee addict
Bethany W - A dietitian for diabetes
Kate F - A physicist

(Btw, Kate F, we have started calling him the little physicist and are convinced by his ohsosomberandwise personality that a physicist is exactly what he will be...plus it's just fun to say.)

But the closest date is what we were looking for and for that the winner is...

Ann P who guessed April 30.

Well done, Ann (and thank you for your lovely note in your entry). If you email us your address (artschilipepper@gmail.com) we will have it sent your way.

As for baby Addison, every expression, movement, sound, of this little boy is met with oooos and ahhhh from his ten biggest fans always standing over him, admiring his overwhelming preciousness. I think Addison's father is the only one in the world who wishes his baby wouldn't sleep through the night so he has an excuse to feed and cuddle him. Rarely does he get to nap in his bed because who wants to waste valuable cuddle time?

And now I'm off. There is a precious little baby I'd rather be snuggling.

Until next time...

The Henry has arrived.

Ladies and gentleman, please welcome...

our little Henry.

(the heart swells with pride at this cuteness)

For details...watch on.

The game is on!

We have been waiting for eight months and now here we are weeks, perhaps days, away from the arrival of our little Henry. (Just in case you do not already know, Henry is my little brother/sister who will very soon be making his way into this big beautiful world.) Excitement is building and I'm pretty sure my mom is getting tired of people panicking and gasping, "Oh my gosh, are you in labor?!" every time she sighs.

But I digress.

It's something of a custom among friends and family that shortly after a new arrival is announced people start placing bets on what gender baby will be, what he will be named and when she or he will arrive. The stakes run high (I bet my dad Carmella would be a girl and was so convinced that I bought a rather pricey, very girly, gown for her before she was born...thankfully, I was right because after putting out the money I would have made her wear it even if she was a boy. That's the kind of sister I am.), we get fiercely passionate and a fun time is had by all. 

When Carmella was on her way we invited you to join us in our little game and you did and you guys were brilliant and a fun time was had by even more. We are much closer to the finish line now than we were when we put out The Winnie Poll but nevertheless, dear friends, you are invited to join us in our little game...

...wait for the awesomely clever name...

The Henry Poll

(Obviously I haven't improved much in my naming skills since oh so brilliantly naming my baby doll "baby doll.")

Before you start guessing away first let me give you a few facts to help you along.

1.) We do not know the gender.

2.) Henry's due date is 5/21 but because of medical complications the doctors will induce labor one week prior to his due date if he is not born by that point.

3.) Henry is just a name for while he is in utero and nothing like his real name. We come up with these cute little names so we don't have to spend nine months referring to him or her by the terribly unclever title of "baby".

Aaannnddd I almost forgot to mention, we also have a little incentive/reward for you guys. The person who guesses the closest will receive...

backdrop, obviously, not included. that was a baby present from a dear friend and when I was looking around for a backdrop it seemed fitting.

Now I'm pretty sure by this point you are confused and thinking I have finally lost it. The truth is, I have finally lost it. But that's irrelevant.

No, this little grouping is not the result of rummaging through the pantry. When discussing this little game (which, btw, my mom is co-hosting over on her blog) we were brainstorming on what we could award the winner with that would be relevant to the pregnancy or associated with Henry. Someone suggested Matt Hammitt's album, Every Falling Tear. This is some of the best, most comforting, raw, real music I have every heard. It has been an encouragement to us all throughout this pregnancy and I cannot think of a more perfect prize.

The other two objects are almost as perfect but it will take some explaining before you understand why. My mom is a type two diabetic and has been for almost ten years. Most of the time she can keep her numbers in perfect balance by diet and exercise. But the hormones of pregnancy throw everything off track and diabetes is no exception. When you have diabetes your body cannot properly utilize carbs and sugars (glucose) and you have to carefully balance the amount of glucose in your blood stream. To prevent the sugar from being too high you take insulin shots. But more scary than the high numbers are the low numbers when there isn't enough glucose in a diabetic's body. When the sugar is low it drops quickly and if the diabetic doesn't consume something quickly there is a great danger of them going into a coma. When the sugar is low, the diabetic becomes disoriented and cannot properly think for themselves. The solution? Get some sugary food into them quickly.

*clears throat*

Did you get all that? Good, because you will be tested on it.

Now we come to the bit where it all makes sense. Since the very first months Kashi granola bars and V8 juice boxes have been strategically placed throughout the house for these low spells. My mom has consumed innumerable amounts of both during hypoglycemic episodes and they have been an instrumental part of this pregnancy. Coincidentally, the Kashi company has come to love us.

Capiche?

I do believe that is everything you need to know. Off you pop and make your guess. Boy, girl? Date? Name? Give it your best shot. Click here to enter!

Cheers!
näna
xx

"These are the day to remember, 'cause they will not last forever."

Why, hello there. It appears I have a blog. You learn something every day.

Despite promises to myself and the blog world in general to post once a week that plan failed. Here we are several weeks later and...postless. I blog as a way to record some of my thought and life and hopefully add a little sunshine and encouragement to my dear readers days. But, honestly, I really don't want to talk about life. Everything right now is uncertain, in between, unpredictable. And I am keeping sane (well, you know, as close as I ever get to sane) by taking it one day at a time. When everything in life is uncertain I am so very thankful for a God who's love is always certain.

But enough about that. In lieu of a post, some recent pictures (mostly from my phone...pardon the quality) and random moments.

Rainy days.

On my nightstand:

I dare you to try and find a cuter grumpy person.

It's still cold and we won't have leaves for a while but green is starting to pop up here and there.

Meeting Julianne...which was absolutely incredible. Ellie was completely taken with Julianne and had to show her all her Rapunzel dolls and Sam taught Brandon everything he would ever want to know about chickens and fighter planes. We made cavatille and talked about everything under the sun. Sadly, we only took about two photos (next time we'll do better). I'll never get over how amazing it is to met someone in real life after knowing them online. Julianne is amazing and I cannot wait until next time.

 Sam, minus several teeth.

Surprising my sisters with the Les Mis dvd.

Shopping for Henry

And speaking of Henry, the little guy is sideways and looks so. big. Mom is ever-so-cute and ever-so-patient as she works through all the complications of this challenging pregnancy.

Life really is a happy song when there's someone by your side to sing along.

Hanging out with this little girl.

Warm soup for chilly spring dinners.

5 dozen eggs, hard boiled, died using every trick in the book, and looking lovely.

In other news: I have finished my government course (score!), made macaroni and cheese without a recipe, am planning a baby shower (celebration, party...I don't like the term baby shower but haven't thought of a better one yet), and have been going through some sort of wretched sickness for the past week and a half and it is utterly hateful. We are rapidly approaching Easter weekend which is always an ordeal around here. 

There. I've blogged. 

Now I'm off to consume vitamin C and try some Sherlock therapy (marvelous healing qualities). 

Be good and I will attempt to write a real post sometime this decade.

xx.

-näna.

(post title courtesy of Billy Joel's "This is the Moment"...perhaps the most brilliant songs ever) 

things that say a lot about people

things that say a lot about people: 
the way in which they treat the waiter/waitress 
how they feel about the weather 
whether they dog ear pages or highlight in books
fingernails and hands in general 
their preferred creative outlet 
how much they dread/enjoy talking on the phone 
whether or not they drink coffee 
if they ever forget to eat 
how honest they are with themselves (and others) 
if they correct your grammar 
and whether or not they get nervous before haircuts.

I've seen similar posts on too many blogs to know where it began (methinks here though) so without knowing where to give credit I'll just leave it at the paragraph above is not my brilliance. When I first read this I started trying to answer the questions in my head. How would I answer and what do these statements say about me? Draw your own conclusions and judge me as you will here are my answers.

one- my mom and I have a game we both play. We try to engage the cashier/waiter/waitress in conversation and make them smile at least once before we walk away. Grumpy waiters and waitresses don't stand a chance when serving us. It is my philosophy that you don't encounter anyone by chance and if God has brought that person along my path there is a reason. Also a personal rule I have for myself is to always be able later to remember the color of the server's eyes. It forces eye contact. And we all know real, deep connections are formed not by words but by the eyes- the windows of the soul.

two- I get very frustrated by people who are always complaining about the weather. Especially during the winter when people whine almost constantly about the snow and cold. If you don't like it, move! *clears throat* Personal pet peeve. That in mind I try to always delight in the weather and enjoy it regardless. I adore rainy days, but the sun makes me happy. I love cold, chilly days but I love feeling the warmth of a summer afternoon.

three- I used to be scared to dog ear pages or write in books. Still I won't dog ear pages but the older I get the more I find myself underlining passages in my favorite books (still always in pencil, though...I can't bring myself to make permanent marks).

four- my fingernails aren't long and they aren't short. My hands are scared, imperfect are rarely moisturized. But hands are beautiful and hold so much capacity for kind deeds. And there is no better feeling then when Carmella puts her little, soft, perfect hand in mine and smiles at me.

five- you have to have creativity before you can have an outlet for it...

six- phone conversations are great but I want to see a face and a expressions when I'm talking to someone. Otherwise I'll just text...which is second on the list of communication forms after face-to-face.

seven- I'm Italian. Enough said. I drink coffee and I drink it strong, thick and often.

eight- my days are busy and eating is low on my list of priorities. I forget breakfast and lunch often but I can not skip dinner. Ever. Dinner is big in my family (and it's more than just eating) and days don't feel right without it.

nine- my mother always taught me never to sugarcoat things. And when dealing with yourself more than anyone. Dishonesty never pays and it's better to be truthful when dealing with someone (especially when they ask for your opinion) than to allow them to fall or hurt themselves because you kept your mouth shut .

ten- I constantly correct my little siblings on their grammar and it has developed into something of a habit. Which is great with little siblings...but not when you find yourself accidentally correcting superiors.

eleven- never ever. I am much to impetuous for my own good. Do now, think later.

With many apologies for forgetting this little blog, promises to post at least one a week no matter how busy and much Sherlockian love,
-näna

making this | encouraged by this and this | feeling this

To you who are trying to be strong:

random february moments

My name means strong or noble. I don't remember the time or setting but I remember my mom telling me once about Daniel and how he stood strong and never compromised, even in the face of death. She told me what my name meant and how she hoped I would live up to it and be like Daniel. That I have never forgotten.

My nature loves strength and detests weakness. It repels against quitting and failure. I will work my bum off to accomplish whatever I set out to do and do it 110%. 

But let's face reality. I'm not strong. I fail -often. I mess up, give in, let go. Being strong is hard. Being strong all the time is impossible.

And when I can't be strong...when I'm weak. I end up discouraged and wondering why I even try. 

But here's the problem: Why I end up becoming discouraged, is because I'm trying to be strong. And reality is? 

I don't have to.

I don't have to be strong, I can't be strong. I will fail.

But I serve a God who is all powerful. Who never fails. Never backs down.

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Cor. 12:9

How much time do I waste trying to obtain a strength that I cannot gain instead of accepting that He is my only source of strength?

And when I realize -oh this is so major- when I realize that it is when I'm weak and can't do it on my own...it is then that I enter that time of intimacy of learning to depend on Him and trusting His strength to be enough for me. Then, my friends, I can glory in my infirmity. Because it is drawing me closer to the One who tends for my soul.

"Cause when I'm weak, You make me strong//When I'm blind, You shine Your light on me//Cause I'll never get by living on my own ability//How refreshing to know You don't need me//How amazing to find that you want me//So I'll stand on Your truth, and I'll fight with Your strength//Until You bring the victory, by the power of Christ in me" -In Me, Casting Crowns

To those who are fighting to be strong...you don't have to. Quit fighting for something you can't obtain. Rejoice in your weakness because it is in a heart that acknowledges it can't go on by itself that Christ's strength can be made perfect.

Cheers,
ä

"There is always, always, something to be thankful for." -unknown

It was an cold and snowy Thursday morning in late January. It had been a late night and most of the house was still asleep. The quiet house was driving me crazy and since late sleepers always wake up hungry I pulled out a recipe I have been wanted to try. One by one sleepy headed little people trickled into the kitchen asking what I was making and if they could help (they always ask). We spilled flour on the counter and tasted the chocolate chips and dropped egg shells into the batter. By the time real people in the real world were starting into their workday we were sitting in our pajamas topping pancakes with mounds of whipped cream maple syrup. #momentsofmylife

Chocolate Chip Pancakes.
adapted from here
>>makes 12-15 (I had to double the recipe)

2 c flour
4 t baking powder
2 T sugar
.5 t salt
.5 t baking soda
2 eggs
2 c milk
4 T canola oil
.5 c chocolate chips, chopped

one- mix together flour, baking powder, sugar, salt and baking soda.

two- whisk eggs

three - stir eggs, milk and canola oil into dry ingredients

four- stir in chocolate chips

four- heat a pan over medium heat. pour in batter using a 1/8 cup measure. flip when air bubbles appear and cook for an additional minute of so.

cheers.
näna

hoagies 101 (and the awaited giveaway winners)

To Jersey-Italians, few things are as important as food. We take it seriously and few foods so much so as the hoagie. And when it comes to hoagies I am something of a snob (okay, so I'm a snob about a lot of things but especially hoagies). And, for the record, Subway is *not* a hoagie. That is a disgraceful knockoff that I shutter to mention in the same sentence. Just sayin'...

However, I realize that not everyone has had the benefit of being raised Italian and therefore may not know what a real hoagie is. So all you Subway eating people out there, I forgive you (gracious, eh?) and am here to properly educate you with five tips to the perfect hoagie.

1// It's all in the bread. I cannot emphasize enough the importance of good bread. And by good I mean a hoagie roll that is firm on the outside (you should have to bite...it shouldn't just mash) and yet soft and chewy on the inside. Bread is vital.

2// Mayonnaise. Lots of it. Don't skimp. This is not the place to worry about your waistline. And Hellmann's. Always, always, always Hellmann's.

3// Oregano. Considered the secret ingredient by some, oregano is essential to the perfect hoagie. It adds just the right amount of flavor.

4// Boar's Head. Giant sells it. Get it. Have it sliced thin (somewhere between 1 and shaved on the meat cutting scale...talk to the guys at your deli). Thick meat is blah. And so is any other brand of lunch meat. It you can't get Boar's Head, Dietz and Watson will do. It's a compromise but sometimes you have to make do.

5// Hoagie spread. This stuff is golden...and vital. If you don't like spicy, go light but do. not. omit. It makes a hoagie a hoagie. If you can't find it in the condiment section of your grocery store, look with the International goods. Or buy online. There are lots of brands, all basically the same, but Cento is my favorite because it's Jersey made.

There are other vital steps such as what lunchmeat and cheese you use, how much of each and the proper serving methods but we'll save that for another day. Follow these steps and you can't go wrong. But! If all else fails, buy one. But not from just anywhere (you already know what I think of Subway...). The three best places (in order) to buy a hoagie are as follows:

Quick-Chek -found only in north Jersey, they are the Cadillac of hoagies. You can't find better. It's what they put in the water...

Wawa -northeast tradition...late night hoagie runs to Wawa.

Jersey Mike's -started on the Jersey Shore they have exploded in the past few years and are now everywhere. You'd have to live in the middle of nowhere to not have one near you.

These are just mainstream names...check your local delis as well...cheers for supporting local. And Sheetz isn't horrible either.

Now I know the reason you are all reading this post is not to hear about my hoagie ramblings (as invaluable as they are) but because you're all on pins and needles about who on earth (obviously they are on earth because, sadly, our sponsors do not ship intergalatically) the giveaway winners are. Am I right? Well because I'm in a tolerably good mood tonight and feel like rewarding you for making it through my hoagie tips, without further ado, here they are.

The winner of the Heat Me Earrings from Cici's is according to Random.org...#52...Jenny Z!

And futhermore...

...the winner of the Aster bag in Lemon Chiffon from Luckycann is...#42 (neat the way that worked out...#52 and #42...)...Bree Holloway from Tea and Bree!

Congrats, ladies! Email me (briannatwachter@gmail.com) your addresses and I will forward them to the sellers who will send that right out to you.

Thank you all so much for participating (it was great fun swapping Downtonisms) and an extra special thank you to our fabulous sponsors! You guys are awesome.

On a totally different topic, today I registered to vote. Probably unexciting to you but it makes me feel very legal. (Yes, I'm weird like that. No, I don't care what you think)

Join us next time ladies and gentlemen when we will talk more about food. Yeah. What else do you expect from someone who claims food as their love language?

Cheers!
näna

A little awkward and a lot of awesome.

dreaming of warmer temps (compare MD 3rd down to GA bottom)

So I have seen Awkward and Awesome posts around and they always seem to be on Thursdays (perhaps some unwritten rule?). Regardless of the socially acceptable day to post an Awkward and Awesome post here I am today with a little awkwardness and awesomeness from my corner of the world. Because, when it comes down to it, when have you ever known me to follow the rules, written or otherwise?

A w k w a r d :

-Making a pot of coffee with no water or espresso machine.

-Two days without water resulting from a broken well pump.

-That big sister moment when a word pops out of a little siblings mouth they don't know is an "bad word" and your mouth just drops as you stare at them not sure whether to laugh or scold.

-When, in the middle of a conversation, Mom stopped, stared at me and said I look like an aunt who I  have never met or even seen a photo of.

-Running in 19 degree weather. I've done 26 degree runs and, while they aren't fun, they aren't miserable. 19 is misery. It's not the cold itself I mind (I love the cold) but breathing is virtually impossible.

-The cashier checking me out taking it upon herself to describe in graphic detail the obscure disease she has. Meanwhile I'm thinking, "Okay....thank you for that very informative piece of information and totally grossed me out...now can I just pay for my items and leave or is this some tactic to get customers to leave before you've given them their change?"

A w e s o m e :

-The Ravens are going to the Superbowl.

The Ravens are going to the Superbowl.

Can I say that just one more time?

THE RAVENS ARE GOING TO THE SUPERBOWL!

Guys, this is the first time in the history of my fandom (and I've been a fan for a long time) and I'm basically jumping out of my skin. Yeah. Superbowl XLVII is going to be awesome.

-Catching up with my very first blog friend Olivia and finding that she is just as obsessed with BBC's Robin Hood and Sherlock as yours truly.

-Feeling Henry. There are few things as magical as feeling an unborn baby.

-007...he just is.

-This recipe I made for lunch Sunday.

-New running shoes. (What isn't awesome is having to run shorter runs while my feet adjust to them.)

-Sherlock Holmes: Game in Shadows...it is...incredible. So, so, so, so much better than the first (and I liked the first). The first movie was a great action movie but, I thought, failed to capture Sherlock Holmes. Game in Shadows did and while Robert Downey Jr. will never, ever hold a candle to Benedict Cumberbatch's Sherlock he was surprisingly good. Watson was great in the first and even better here. Mary was awesome. Moriarty was played horribly (not nearly creepy enough). Oh, and Steven Fry was a fun Mycroft...although Mark Gatiss is still better. But then I'm partial to Steven Fry.

-This

-Mom pointing out that the washing machine could break and we'd muster through but our world collapses when the espresso machine break. So true.

-Ellie coming up to my desk in the middle of the school day to relate some adventure her and her doll have just had.

-Finishing subjects -Government and Speech, check!

-"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:27

Now it's your turn. Tell me, what awkward and awesome things are going on in your life?

Tata for now,
näna

-p.s. don't forget to click here and enter the giveaway sponsored by Luckycann and Cici's...January 28th will be here before you know it.